That Girl…Awkward!
Okay…this story is too funny not to share! I am calling it THAT GIRL. This is a true story and it happened to me. Talk about AWKWARD! It was about one year after Mike died, and I was in that awkward stage of trying to go out socially again. Only this time, it was as a single lady. I was not feeling comfortable with my new found “freedom.” I certainly did not feel free – I felt more like the awkward girl at the school dance. Social settings felt like junior high all over again. One night, I was at a birthday party with my best friend. There were lots of people there. The house was gorgeous, like something out of a magazine. The crowd there was sophisticated, but not stuffy. There were all adults and no kids. This was a catered event with two bartenders and a table full of yummy finger foods and desserts. Somehow, I just knew this was going to be lots of fun!
My friend and I only knew the host and about five other people there. So we were mingling, meeting new people, eating, drinking, and laughing. We got a tour of the house and then we ended up hanging out downstairs with our friends. We were in this huge downstairs where there was a media room, bar, and again…lots of people. Did I mention lots of people?
My best friend went into the bathroom and then she came back out. We were standing there talking to the host’s mom for a while and then I went into the bathroom. I had started to close the door when I realized there was no lock. That made me a little nervous, but I knew my best friend was standing right outside the door, so I thought I was safe. Surely she would stand guard for me.
I sat down and started to do what I came in there to do, when all of the sudden the door opened and this good looking man walked about half way in the bathroom. He looked at me, and I looked at him and I instinctively reached out to try and close the door. There was this incredibly awkward moment when we both realized what had just happened and we just stared at each other. We both had that wide-eyed look of terror and surprise on our faces. He slowly backed out and then finally closed the door. I just sat there…laughing…and in shock…and I could not believe what just happened to me!
Hide or Seek
A life lesson I learned on the toilet is…you can hide or seek. When we were kids we played “Hide and Seek” and that was a fun game. But games aside, life presents us with opportunities to hide or seek.
We can hide. I could have stayed in the bathroom until all the people left the party and then come out. I could have avoided some of the embarrassment, but I would have also missed the party. God doesn’t want you to miss the party. When uninvited events enter our life, we need to allow God to lead us. We all need safe people around us to help process what just happened and help us move on. When you can get to the point where you can laugh at yourself, you can let in so much healing.
We can hide, or we can seek. Instead of staying in that awkward, defensive position and never leaving the bathroom, I chose to go on the offensive and make a new plan.
I gathered myself together, finished the paperwork, and heard this random intruder laughing right outside the door with my best friend. Well, at that moment she was my EX best friend because she was supposed to be standing guard for me. Then I washed my hands and tried to pull myself together. As I looked in the mirror, I realized that I would have to leave the bathroom and see this man again. I took a deep breath and bravely came out to face my embarrassment. My friend was right there and we started howling with laughter! Luckily, the man was nowhere to be seen. I was sure he had disappeared upstairs to avoid the even more awkward moment of “Oh, hi…I just saw you sitting on the john!”
You can say, “Okay, this awful thing happened to me, but I am going to seek out ways to make the most of it and even have some fun.” It is so much a matter of taking what happens to us and making the most of it. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but I think it is important to capture and capitalize on whatever we can. Seek out opportunities to leverage what has happened to you and allow God to turn your mess into memories. Seek God. Seek answers. Seek solutions. Seek, don’t hide.
I was initially relieved to not see this man when I came out of the bathroom. But then I realized there was no way I was going to be able to avoid running into the man at this party, so I went in search of him. It was a “face your fears or they become bigger” kind of a thing. I spotted him upstairs and I walked directly up to him and introduced myself. I thought that I should at least know the name of the man who just saw me in such a personal position!
Turned out, he’s single…and a cop! He was a nice guy, and we were able to laugh about our brief encounter. Laughter makes most things bearable. I had never met him before, but talking to him I found out that I had known his aunt for years (and she still goes to church with me). I knew his cousin from years ago when Mike and I were youth pastors. Small world. My friend, who was now my best friend again, immediately put several notes on the bathroom door reminding people to “knock before entering” and the “door does not lock.” Hopefully this would keep this from happening to someone else, but if it didn’t…I hoped they had a best friend to help them laugh at themselves like I did. Word got out at the party about the downstairs bathroom having no lock and that some guy walked in on a lady while she was seated on the throne. Stories like this one tend to spread like wildfire…so the rest of the evening when I met people they would say, “Oh, you are THAT girl!” Yes…I am THAT girl…the girl that got caught with her pants down by a perfect stranger who just happened to be a good-looking, single cop. THAT GIRL!
Oh…and for those of you who are wondering if this single man and I saw more of each other…I think he saw enough!
Potty Parable
You see, this man had a vision of me that I couldn’t delete from his mind. He saw that I don’t wad my toilet paper into a ball, but fold it gently. How many people in your life know such intimate details about you? Well, now you all know because I told you! But I can do nothing to change the past. I am powerless to erase what happened. I must Embrace Awkward. I have decided to employ my tactic in dealing with this sudden embarrassment as a life lesson. What can be learned from this potty parable? There are several lessons I learned that evening.
Shame and Blame
The first lesson that I learned that night has to do with shame and blame. I chose not to shame this accidental intruder…or blame my friend – my best friend – for not standing guard to keep him from busting in. Shame and blame are not going to do anything but cause more hurt. I could charge the police officer with “breaking and entering” and shame him. The door was closed. The word “toilet” was stenciled on the door right at his eye level. What was he thinking to open it without knocking? Of course, I did “throw the book at him” all in fun, but no real shaming happened.
And what about Michele, my best friend: where was she when I needed her? Well, she was sitting down on the job. Literally: sitting right there on the couch, not three feet from the bathroom door. She had just gone to the bathroom and she knew there was no lock on the door. She had meant to tell me when she came out of the bathroom, but then we got distracted talking to the host’s mom who had a cute sweater and she forgot. Michele had meant to tell me and it slipped her mind.
Michele had positioned herself on guard close to the door and was watching out for me. She saw two people walking toward the door, but they went on by. When this man started to walk by, she assumed he was following the others until he suddenly turned and opened the door. All she could do was gasp as he grabbed the door handle and pushed. It all happened so fast.
I could blame Michele for not keeping her full attention on the bathroom door in case someone came along and didn’t knock before entering, but we were at a party. The music was loud, there were a lot of characters for fun people-watching, and I know her heart. This woman has shown up for me like no one else in the past two years of grief. Michele has texted me every day, usually several times a day. She has taken me out when I needed to laugh, talk, and get out of the house. She has spent endless evenings on my patio, letting me talk through the many emotions of grief. She even helped me with my daughter’s wedding – during tax season – which is her crazy time as a tax accountant. When they were playing the wrong song for Abbi to walk down the aisle, Michele even ran down the aisle and got them to put on the right song.
Michele is my best friend: she has been better to me than I could have ever imagined. Do I want to blame her for the That Girl incident? No. Michele is the one that invited me to the party in the first place. I wouldn’t have been there having all that fun, eating all that fabulous food, and meeting all those new friends if she hadn’t invited me. So there is no way, after all that she has done for me, and all the times she has shown up for me, that I was going to blame her. As friends, we chose to laugh about it and make the most of it. And that is why she is my best friend. Isn’t that what we all need? Someone to make us laugh and help us make the most out of life’s awkward situations? So…no shame, no blame.
Heal First, Help Second
Another lesson I learned from this potty parable, when all my dignity was on display, is that in order to help others, you have to heal yourself first. You have to make it out of the situation yourself before you can help someone else. Once I was able to look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and move through the emotions of what happened, I was able to go re-enter the party. I was able to go back and help Michele put signs on the bathroom door to warn others. If I had not been able to process what happened to me in a healthy way, and instead either hid in the bathroom or left the party, then I would not have been able to help others. Much like writing this book, I have had to go through grief first before I could offer help to you. I have had to go through the seasons of grief one step at a time, and now I am able to leave a bread-crumb trail for you to follow out of darkness and into light.
We are never quite sure why things happen the way they do, but this silly bathroom story has reminded me that I have done my work. I have been able to take a much more serious trial than a bathroom intrusion—the death of my dearly loved husband—and using the same process have been able to grow from what has happened to me. I am stronger for having gone through such pain and I think you will be, too.
One day you may find yourself as “That Girl.” You may be “That Man” whose wife left him, or “That Mom” whose child died, or “That Dad” who lost his job, or “That Child” whose parents had an ugly divorce. Whatever situation you find yourself in, remember that you will get through it. Choose not to shame or blame. Decide to not hide, but seek. And choose to help yourself through, so that you can then turn around and help others. If you choose not to hide, but seek, you will be transformed in the process.
