Be strong? I will be honest with you…right now I can’t be strong enough for someone else. It is too much pressure. I need to let God be strong enough for me; collapse into His strength, let go into His faithful arms. I can’t be strong for anyone else. They need to know and I need to be reminded that none of us are strong enough…we never have been and we never will be. It is only by God’s Spirit in us that we are able to stand at all some days.
So don’t feel pressure, because you are already feeling pressure enough with everything going on. You don’t need more pressure. You can’t take more pressure. You are human. You were not meant to hold it together. You were meant to fall apart… knowing that God will not let you be overcome. You will not get lost in this. You will hurt and struggle, and believe me, my heart hurts for you, but the last thing I want you to feel from me or anyone else is that YOU are who or what is holding this all together. Rest child. Breathe. You are being held. You are loved.

Dear one, you are beautiful and wonderful, but you can’t be what holds things together. That is not fair. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Lean on the One who laid down His life for you. Fall back into His arms and He will raise you up just like He Himself rose from the dead. You are in good hands. The hands that took the nails for you are holding you now.

I don’t mean to sound like I am preaching at you. I am really just praying for you. I could not stand to see you take on one more thing with all that you have been through. We are all praying for you. All of Heaven is behind you. God WILL get you through this.

To be honest, I have been more aware of my brokenness, my flaws, and my desperate never-ending need of saving than I have been in a long time. The weight of MY inabilities, insecurities, and self-imposed ‘pressure to perform’ are starting to really get me down. I have been feeling defeated and discouraged. Change is hard, but I am far enough into this journey that I feel like I should have it together more than I do. I have cried several times this week (and I am not a crier). I have felt so alone and overwhelmed; So weak and unable. I am not saying this for you all to feel sorry for me or to propel you to send me a bunch of “you can do this, you are strong” posts. I am just being honest.

Today, some light is breaking through or I am starting to see something in these clouds…
This awareness of my ugliness is somehow making Jesus more beautiful. His gentleness toward me is all the sweeter when compared to how demanding I have being toward Him. I am demanding, grouchy, completely ungrateful for what He has done for me (because He is not doing enough), pouty that He is taking so long, and miss bratty-mouth directly questioning His ability to do all the tricks I want Him to perform. I rant and rave and spit and spew and He just sits there right beside me and quietly listens. I throw all my anger and disappointment IN HIM up in HIS face and He just looks at me with clear, kind eyes. I proclaim how HE is not doing enough for ME and yet He refuses to make me feel deficient, delinquent, or behind.

Jesus accepts me right where I am and loves me in spite of myself. It’s His grace that makes me realize how out of line I am, and yet it is also what makes me melt into His goodness. My wild meanness makes me more thankful for His loving-kindness. He doesn’t “put me in my place” like He has every right to do. He “puts Himself in my place” and feels for me and cries with me. Jesus reminds me that He is with me, He will never leave me, and I am not as alone as I had thought.

I guess ME being honest with how I was feeling about HIM allowed me to hear HIM being honest with how He feels about ME. I was harsh and cold but He was not the least bit defensive or “after all the things I have done for you, this is how you treat me Little Missy.” Not a hint of “you better watch your attitude Lady.” Nothing but pure compassion. I was demanding and He was disarming. He was beauty and I the beast.

I had nothing left to give. I was exhausted. Depleted. I could not go on any more. So I laid down on my bed and asked Jesus to wrap His arms around me. I was in a bad way. I was at the end of my rope.
I had been trying to stand on my own. Trying to prove that I was a big girl…that I could handle things…that I didn’t need God as much any more. I hated being so dependent on Him, and was sure He could not wait for the day I could stand on my own two feet again.
But, today, I could not pretend any more.
I was in desperate need of saving. I was in over my head. Up to my eyeballs. And the water was rushing in faster than I could keep up.
I laid there like a broken rag doll in Jesus’ arms and professed my pride and weariness…my sin and idolatry. I wept. I leaned my whole weight on Him. I told Him I did not deserve His grace. I had not done enough to merit His favor. I was a sinner in need of a Savior.
I was unable, incapable of getting out of this situation on my own. I was completely dependent on Him and terribly sorry for the mess I had made. I had been greedy. I had been foolish. I had hidden my fear, but it had consumed me anyway.
I asked the Lord for mercy. As He held me, I laid my debts at the foot of the Cross and told Him how sorry I was that He had to die for me. I pictured Jesus on the cross.
For the first time in my life, I realized His body on the cross was empty. His Spirit had left His body a long time ago. As I looked on His torn body, I felt His presence come up beside me. He stood to my right in a radiant white robe. His face beamed with love. His eyes full of life.
He knelt down beside me and told me that my sin was not too much for Him. He knew it was too heavy for me. That was why He died – so I could lay it all down. I was not supposed to carry it. It was too much for me. The heaviness took my joy and my energy and filled me with fear, regret and shame. He wondered if I would continue to carry it or lay it down.
I had felt guilty but did not want to lay my sins at the cross. That felt dishonoring to all Jesus had done for me. I wanted instead to lay my crowns at the foot of the Cross and give Him glory. But I had no crowns. I felt guilty bringing my brokenness and shame. He deserved better. More.
He reminded me He was not on the Cross any longer. He was risen. He was very much alive.
My sins don’t kill Him now… He already died for my sins.
My sins don’t defeat Him… He already defeated the grave.
I don’t have to feel guilty.
I was to leave my sins there.
He already carried the burden.
That is why He said… “It is finished,” and breathed His last breath.
I did not have to needlessly carry the full weight of my sin.
“Lay it down,” He whispered.
“Lay it all down. Leave it there. I’m not on the cross any longer so it doesn’t hurt me to take your sins there. What hurts me is when I see you trying to carry them. Trust me. They are ALL paid for. Every single thought, decision, action, regret… ALL paid in full.
You don’t owe Me anything. I did it because I love you. Love keeps no record of wrongs. In fact, I was just interceding to the Father for You. I was hoping to see you here today. I was wondering when you would reach your breaking point. There is no breakthrough without brokenness.
Admitting you need forgiveness is what brings forgiveness.
Asking for help is what brings the help. Seeking my mercy is what brings you here to the Cross, and what brings me here to you.
You have been a stubborn one. Trying to carry it on your own but completely unable. You have pushed it as far as you could and now let’s leave it here. You need rest. You need refreshment. You need nourishment.”
I looked up into His eyes and He took me by the hand and lifted me up. There was no anger in His eyes, no resentment, no disappointment. He smiled and I could see that He was genuinely relieved I was not trying to pick my sin up, but instead trusting Him enough to leave them there.
My heart felt lighter. I had not realized how heavy the burden was until I laid it down. I felt like I could float…20 pounds lighter. I could breathe easier. My insides actually felt more spacious. My mind was not crammed with doubt, fear, anxiety, and remorse.
I instantly wished I had come sooner, but I was afraid. Afraid that He would be disappointed in me, afraid that He would humiliate me in front of others, afraid that He would crucify me. No. No more condemnation. No more guilt. No more shame. Only love.
He gently pulled my arm, and I knew it was time to leave. No need to stay at the cross. As I walked hand in hand into the future Jesus had for me, I knew I would never forget this day… the day that Jesus met me at the cross.

In light of the recent tragic events in our world, parents have reached out to me for advice on how to help their children process the pain they are seeing in the world. PARENTS is an acronym with 7 simple reminders to equip parents to empower your children.

P – Process your pain first. It’s important for parents to address your feelings as they come, so you can help your children to manage theirs. The goal is to be prepared and not scared.

A – Ask them questions. Follow their level of curiosity. Keep in mind their level of understanding. Adjust your answers according to their age, personality and experiences.

R – Respond with compassion towards their fears, anxiety and confusion. Do not shame them or downplay their perspective. Even as children, it’s important that their feelings be respected.

E – Embrace them! Hugs! For younger children, do plenty of snuggle time. For teens, just hang out together. Give them direct eye contact. Physically reassure them of your presence.

N – Notice changes in behavior or outlook. They may be more withdrawn or act out in anger. If you need to, get help from a trusted friend, counselor, or pastor.

T – Tell the truth. Don’t hide things from kids or lie to them. They can usually sense something is wrong and ignoring it does not lower their stress level. It makes them more uneasy.

S -Say a prayer for the situation, families, and all those affected. Our country needs our prayers.

“Finding Hope” is not only a theme in Kristi’s life, it is also the name of a radio show hosted by Counselor Mandy Eppley Bird. Join Mandy and Kristi as they bring meaning and depth to the losses in your life.

Click below to listen to the show which originally aired in November. Scroll to find the show titled, “5 Keys to Unlock the Grip of Grief.”

Finding Hope

I love my Droid. Relax Iphone users – I am not here to debate which phone is better. But, one feature I love on my Droid this that I can text with the swipe of my finger. I just run my finger over the letters and words appear. It’s magic!!

My work phone is an iPhone and that’s fine because I don’t text much for business. It seems amazingly slow to hunt and peck with my thumbs when I can glide over the ice with my Droid. (Again, I don’t want to get text messages from you iPhone lovers telling me all the glories of the competition.) I am simply admitting that I am the world’s worst typist. It’s not an official title but you get the point.

In my high school typing class, I did poorly. There were a couple of reasons for that, but the main reason was because I could never keep my eyes on the paper. My eyes darted back and forth between the paper and the typewriter. Yes, I said typewriter…with manual keys – not an electric typewriter or even a keyboard. (And that tells you how old I am!) The teacher would walk around the classroom and gently remind us to keep our eyes on the paper.

I struggled. I never could break the habit of looking at my hands. I was amazed at the clerical talent around me. They were sitting up straight, shoulders back with their eyes glued to the paper and their fingers flying! I was hunched over like Quasimodo, my eyes flipping back and forth like i was watching Wimbledon, hunting and pecking for each letter, and my fingers covered in “white out”. (Some of you children do not even know what that is! I know, another sign of my age.)

I regret not listening to my teacher and keeping my eyes on the paper. Oh, initially my hands made fewer mistakes than my secretarial sisters, but my words per minute were pathetic. I would never catch up. I ended up being number 11 in the senior class of Crestview High School of 1981, but I would have been in the Top 10 if it weren’t for that C in typing!

Anyways, back to my Droid. When I use the script app to text I feel like my typing teacher would finally be proud of me. I keep my eyes on the screen and not the keyboard and this has saved me time and energy. The downside is that Droid also has suggested words that pop up as you script. For instance, every single time I run my finger over the letters for the word “FOR” my Droid thinks I want the word “FIT.” It’s maddening sometimes! When I script the word “WORD,” my phone concludes that I want the word “WEIRD.” It happened several times while writing that sentence! But the word swap that is most frustrating to me is when I try to type the word “HEALING” and my phone types the word “BREAKING.”

Now there is a big difference in the meaning of the words HEALING and BREAKING. Let’s be honest, when I want HEALING… I don’t want BREAKING!! They are not words I would ever use interchangeably, so I have to go back to the word “BREAKING” and replace it with the word “HEALING.” I am slow, but I’m catching on to my Droid enough that I am usually able to catch the mix up before it happens and choose the word HEALING from the 3 suggested words provided above the keyboard.

Isn’t that true for all of us though? Everyday, as our story is being written and we are flying down the highway of life, we are given a bank of words to choose from. If we don’t pay attention, autofill will choose “WEIRD” and “BREAKING.” If we stay aware of the options as we go, we can select “WORD” and “HEALING.” But, even if we don’t catch the mistake right away, that’s why God used to make “white out” and why my “smart phone” can go back and correct those choices made in haste.
God doesn’t want your story to full of WEIRD BREAKING FITS. In fact, He has written to you now FOR a HEALING WORD.

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God they instantly felt naked, ashamed, and exposed, so they tried to cover themselves. Notice they sewed leaves together. Later, when they have a conversation with God, it was very interesting to me that God made them coverings from animal skins. Adam and Eve wore the first furs.
What does this mean to me? When I sin, my first reaction is to “run for cover”. My own attempts at covering my guilt are feeble and fragile – like the clothes that Adam and Eve wove together. I don’t imagine that fig leaves are very sturdy. And certainly not fashionable!!
God sees their discomfort and vulnerability. Does He rip the leaves off of them and say, “No hiding here!!! What are these ridiculous costumes you are wearing?! I’m going to expose your sin and you will walk around in shame and misery.” (Think of a dunce hat, the cone of shame, or the scarlet letter.)
No. God acknowledges their sin. They have an honest chat about sin and it’s consequences, but then God does the most unexpected act of grace imaginable. God slaughters his beloved animals, removes their pelts, and sits down to the sewing machine to make them proper clothing. No more costumes. God makes them real, solid, long lasting clothing.
God’s kindness in this incidence is astounding to me!!!
What can we learn from this story from Genesis 3?
We don’t have to hide from God. We don’t have to try and cover over our sins out of guilt and shame. Our attempts are flimsy and temporary at best. God knows our sin. He sees it all. We are naked before Him. And yet… In His great love and mercy He does not make fun of us. He does not laugh at us. He does not disgrace and disrobe us.
In fact, He does the exact opposite. God actually slaughtered His Son, took his body, and sat down to the sewing machine to weave together royal robes for you and me. Priestly garments made of the most exquisite fabric imaginable.
So many times, we think God delights to expose our shame. We have been told by religious bullies that God gets a kick out of shaming people, judging them, calling them out on the carpet (whatever that old saying means?!).
We have long had mental images of a God who wants us completely nude and shivering in the corner with our faces buried in fear. As if God has a power trip when we mess up. Nothing could be farther from the truth!!
We have a God who comes to our hiding places, wraps His loving arms around us, and says, “Lift up your head, little one. There is no need to fear. I knew you would disappoint and disgrace yourself and that is why I sent my Son. Jesus died to be your sin covering. Now, get up. Let’s get you dressed. We’ve got a lot to do today. I don’t want you hiding in fear. My love, my perfect love, drives out fear. I love you, my child. I want to walk with you through this day and every day. And one day, I want to bring you home to be with me to live in my house. But for now, let’s get those rags off of you. Those are not clothes befitting my heirs. I want to wrap you in My great and permanent tunic. It has never been my intent to disrobe you and disgrace you. My heart longs to cover you and comfort you. Yes. My desire is to give you a complete wardrobe of my designer fashions.”
God’s plan from the very beginning, starting with the first man and woman, was to be in intimate connection with us. Knowing that our compulsion to sin would separate us from Him and send us into hiding, He wove together garments of grace. He comes to us with fresh mercy every morning. Fresh clothes. Laundered in His love.
God has not sent you to the corner!! He calls us out of the corner to join Him in open spaces and fields of grace.
Which do you choose today?
Your own sin covering (which is see through) or God’s sin covering (which will see you through). Today is the day to trade in your stank. Do it.

Being truly brave only requires 5 minutes per day.
That’s it. I don’t have to be brave all day, every day. God has assured me that if I am brave for a few moments each day, it will radically and dramatically alter my existence. And it has!!!
So, every morning, I ask God what one courageous thing He wants me to do that day. It has to be something that makes my stomach tighten when I just think about doing it. Something I am afraid to do. Something I have been avoiding.
It can be as simple as returning that phone call or texting, “I’m sorry.” Being brave for me some days is putting my tennis shoes on and walking out the door.
It doesn’t have to be anything extreme or earth shattering. Bring brave can be to speak up and say what I am really thinking in a meeting. Or to reach out to a friend and ask for prayers for something I am wrestling with. Honestly it doesn’t matter what it is.
The main thing is to develop my trust muscles with God. God needs us brave. He needs us uncomfortable. He needs us dependent. That’s when He can use us in miraculous ways – through brief bursts of bravery.
Remember…God’s hand is on you. Fear is just your body confirming that your spirit is about to do what you are made to do. So, take a deep breath and be brave for 5 minutes. I promise – you will feel freer every day.
I would love to hear about your stories of brief bravery! Feel free to post them on our Dreamsmith Books FB page. Let’s enCOURGAGE one another to BE BRAVE.